Good thing there are politicans looking out for me.
If you watched the Hillary/Obama debate last night, you saw that America has some good things coming to it. Both senators have wonderful universal health care plans that will cover everybody (especially the precious children), and will be affordable, and will keep health care providers happy. That’s amazing, considering that we’ve had the same health care system in America for about fifty years. With all the promises these two made and keep making, I think the American Left is going to asplode in a nuclear blast of orgasms when one of these senators performs all these wonderful acts on their first day in office.
Anyway. Let’s take a look at what we learned last night about each democratic candidate:
Obama
- A lot of politicians have given up pointing when making a statement, since it’s rude or something. (I call this the Stephanie Tanner Effect) So, they clench their fists and “fist” in the crowd’s general direction. I have always found this retarded. Obama, however, pinches. He looks like he’s pinching a grain of salt when he makes a point. I accept this practice.
- He says “look” a lot.
- When he retorts, he never gets upset or anything. He just smoothly and calmly explains his side while tossing his opponent into the fiery pit of shut the fuck up.
- He’s from his home state of Illinois.
- He has super long fingers.
- When he lays the smack down on Hillary, it’s going to be hard for me not to go, “BUH-ROCK SAYS!” or “IF YOU SMELLLL WHAT BUH-ROCK IS COOKIN’!”.
- He seems pretty in tune with the finer points of the issues. Instead of repeating what everybody else bitches about with NAFTA, he brought up the issues of product standards. He seemed very knowledgeable about past articles, events, statements, issues, and central figures to all the debate questions. I can’t say the same for that blonde mulleted thing sitting next to him.
Hillary
- She whines. “I find it unfair that I always have to answer first!”, despite this being somewhat of an advantage.
- She never blinks. That’s fucking freaky.
- The mullet.
- She’s condescending to her opponent and the moderators.
- She has to get the last word in.
- If she doesn’t remember the name of oh, what’s-his-face that’s in line for Putin’s old job, just mispronounce it and say “Ma-muh-me da ma… uh.. ..whatever” and move on, right? George W. Bush made sure to meet that To.. Toa.. Tom.. Mr. whatever guy that ran Britain, right?
- Being married to the president, appearing at special events, and traveling to foreign countries in luxury jets and staying in hotels counts as political experience, dammit!
- Chelsea accompanies her for moral support. I assume she travels with Socks the cat in a briefcase.
Of course, none of the stuff I saw with Hillary was “news”, but I digress. She got her ass handed to her, and looked like a cuntrag while doing it. I’m not going to be all “HAIL OBAMA” or anything, but I do like the guy, and I’m actually excited about having two presidential candidates I approve of.
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